I remember the joy of sneaking out bra less as a teen. I only did it a couple of times and I consider it the height of my slutty rebellion. It was just a few times that I let them go free.....and...well, they looked good back then. Before the 4 kids.
Ah yes.... the good old days.
Now I realize that being without a bra out in public is just plain wrong. Well for me it is. I feel self conscious and spend most of my time crossing my arms and trying to hide them. I wear the big baggy sweatshirt and REALLY its only obvious at my age I have better things to worry about.
If your a man.... You may not want to read the rest of this. Trust me......it might ruin you forever......
My boobs, ta-ta's or whatever you call your girls are not what they used to be. No...they’re not quite pathetic yet...but they’re close. The more weight I lose, the smaller they get. But when I am pregnant and I am larger, they are magnificent. Size 38 D, bordering on ginormous and nearly perky. Putting on a bra used to be a straight forward affair. Put it on, look cute, with no adjustments required. Now I go through the stack of bras, most of which have broken under wires, and pick one that looks like it will do the job. Then, it’s bend over and dangle the small C’s into the cups and stand up quick. After I get my blood pressure back, I twist my body into a pretzel position and close the sucker up.
Wait, I’m not done. If you’re in your under twenty you put a shirt on and walk out the door. End of story. I’m in my thirties. Which I realize isn't old. But things change and we adjust to a new norm. Sometimes the new norm is something small like putting on a bra. Now I head to the mirror and adjust the girls... so the nipples are pointed in the same direction. But as I hit my late thirties the job is getting to be a bit tougher. I’m considering a level and a GPS unit to accomplish the task. Reach hand in bra, fiddle. Peer into mirror. Turn sideways. Reach into bra, fiddle. You get the point.
At some point, they either look close, or I give up. Most days I settle for close.
Lately, I’ve noticed that the once daily, level and electronic positioning device straightening is not enough. I’ve have been known to have to check them throughout the day. Because they wander into uncharted territory. Look, hoist, laugh it off. Especially if you’re in a women’s restroom with eighteen year old boobs. They don’t get it. I get some seriously odd looks.
I think people fail to see the importance of the adjusting. Its not all vanity crooked nipple pain is a real thing. But it is like being crossed eyed... something just looks a little off. I mean really when one of your girls is looking up at the sky and her sister is hanging out with the armpit...Can you really not tell? Their twins, I mean, not identical.....you always have the one that is a little larger than the other, But they like to be seen together.....and they should be seen together.
So adjust your headlights girls, the boys are staring.
10 comments:
Oh my hell Heather! You and I must be long lost twins or something when it comes to our TaTa's (however, I am a pathetic DD while I'm not pregnant and a F cup while I'm nursing!). I do the same exact thing every day...but I'm still in my twenties! I do the lean-over-and-dangle-them-into-the bra thing...AND....I adjust the headlights to make sure they're even (long story, at a party when I was 18 and they weren't even...an it was COLD outside. Most embarrassing thing ever!). I LOVE your sense of humor about these things. :)
Heather you have highly enlightened me, I will from now on pay more attention to my boobs. I apparently have neglected them, because I never know which way they are pointing. You are the ta-ta expert. Can you get a degree in boob-ology?
I didn't realize this story was going to be about you, I was expecting some sort of 3-D photo of someone you saw or something. I love ya and all, but I don't think I needed to know that much about your adjustment habits. Get out of my brain. Get out of my brain.
Shinea on the other hand, I don't know you but thanks for the mental pic.
Ha Ha Ha JK
Well Heather, I'm a vote that was in that group. Like I said, you and I would get a long nicely :) I have a dirty mind and it's in use daily, I choose the choice that I thought would have the funniest outcome, I was right....so I think. I only know what the bigger size is like when I'm nursing, otherwise my aaa- is hidden away in a padded bra, but I still worry about wear my twins are aimed. I still wouldn't mind hearing the other options LOL. Nancy told me she wasn't going to vote. I tried to encourage her, but she refused. LOL I loved your peach story, although I don't know that I dare eat them, I'm a recovering...how many votes did you get by the way? I love reading your blog, it keeps me laughing.
you picked it.....and I gave you a choice.....PluS!!! I ALSO PUT IN A DISCLAIMER! Did you not read that part that said if you are a man stop reading here! I told you it might ruin you forever.....shoulda listened....
LMAO!!!!! I do the same thing!! The only thing is that I hate it when the hubby is in bed...and it is like he is a new born kitten with it's eyes closed looking for the tit!! LOL
I have a new blog just for you, so get reading!
WOW!!!!! I don't know what to say, but.....WOW!!!!!!! Way to much information!!!! I'm wishing I would have paid more attention to your 'DISCLAIMER'. I'm glad I'm a guy and I now wish I didn't know anything about boob adjusting. I don't think I can ever think of them the same way again. Thanks alot Heather!!!!!! I hope everything goes alright tomorrow when you put on your bra. Good Luck! Ken
Heather, my husband thinks he needs to have me send your blog to his email so he can share this with all the OR nurses he works with at the hospital. Apparently at lunch they discuss this topic also. He thinks they need to hear your side of the adjustment story. LOL.
Rob and I laughed so hard at this post! Rob thinks you should write for a magazine or something:) I've always been a little paranoid about making sure I'm aiming the right direction...thought I was the only one. Obviously not!
Here's a question for your fellow bloggers...have you ever spent the money for a "professional" bra fitting? Was it worth it? Any tips (TIPS not tits)they offered to make the "ta ta's" look better?
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