This one is for Craig.....

Today I realized that my 3yr old is a boy......and boys are gross....

It is just something that they are....and something that they find is hard to control..... OHHH you can try to stop them from being "all boy" by trying to teach them a little thing called "manners" But Its pretty much like banging your head against the wall....over....and over.....and over.....

I think boys are a little bit "slower".....I mean no offence. (I am sure your boy is "SUPER SMART"......oh-yah cause you are......)BUT Boys find things funny that a little girl would never dream of! Where do they learn this stuff....I mean do they have a "ALL boy" meeting up in heaven, and explain to them that this is how you are gross, crazy, clumsy, this is what you eat to smell really bad??? and the most important is this is how you sweet talk girls......

This morning Brodie Disappeared for a while...which is not strange because he is my one kid that plays well by himself doing puzzles, blocks or drawing on the wall.... any who....about a half an hour later....he runs into the room and says
" Mommy you gotta see this!!!"

He was so excited....he extended the invite to the girls and started pulling on our arms.... saying "its so cool you gotta see what I just did!!!"

At this point I was a bit freaked out that I would find another portrait on the wall or find something that I would have to clean up that would inevitably make me throw up or dry heave while doing it....

He drug me into the bathroom.... and stood by the toilet and said look.....
AND Like 4 dumb girls...
(whom should have known what we were in for by the smell of death in the bathroom) We all look in the toilet.....

ONLY to find a trucker sized poo...

My 3 yr old now had a glow like he just did something real good and was extremely proud of what he had accomplished....

Of course the girls run out screaming and laughing about how gross he is and that his poop is just "too big"....as they are all giggling in the process!
(to which Hannah Say's to Brodie "that can't be healthy"....
something I am sure she has heard me say quite often, to the "all boy husband")

I take a min. to explain to Brodie the poo rules....and then leaning in to flush the foul smelling dead creature in the toilet...he starts to throw a major fit....

ME:
"what the crap, do you need flushing rules too?"
THE BOY:
"No.....I just want to save it and show Daddy....."

ahhhhhh.....Me???? totally dumb founded....I tell the "boy" that there is NO WAY that...that "thing" will sit in the toilet all day....reek up my house....all so he can show the other gross "boy" in our house his trophy! NO FREAKING WAY!!!

After a now 10 min. explanation of why we flush poo....and the hungry toilet....and so on....he finally decided that it was OK....and that he would just make another......so I proceeded with flushing Mr. Hanky.....

At this point I informed all of the children that there would be no more poo talk for the rest of the day. BUT tonight this is something I am sure that will be brought up at the dinner table.... to only have to give the "No poo talk a the table" lesson once again....

(ALL with Daddy leaving the table...laughing and not helping the situation at all!!!)

All I can do... is pray that he does not turn into the "21 year old, that likes showing his brothers girlfriend what he just did in the bathroom" kinda guy....

UMMMM.....cause that would be weird......Right Craig???

JUST A FYI....
The pictures below in the dirty house story are not my house....it was a joke.

The Gobble Monster

Like all parents, we have toy issues....and back when Esther was small (tiny baby) I had enough! Then I found a story (IN A PARENTING MAGAZINE) about the gobble monster, a toy eating creature that comes out at night and eats toys that are left out by my kids. So I decided that it sounded like a good.... NO GREAT idea, so the story was told and the children believed it..... for a short time...... It was mostly my fault I got lazy and stopped picking up the toys (I stopped being able to see them). I still used the threat but by this time my 6 year old turning 7 got wise to the idea. She then told the rest of the kids that Mom was just joking and that there was no gobble monster.
(I informed her in private that if she did that again, I would tell her the truth about Santa)

So while shopping at the DI I found a Shel Silverstein book "falling up". As a kid these book were my favorite's. I was so excited to find one of these books and for $2 dollars! Hard cover, with the protective cover and everything! ( I am now looking for where the sidewalk ends, a light in the attic, the giving tree, the runny babbit, don't bump the glump and so on...they make great gifts....hint hint...)

Any who, while reading my new book.....I mean a new book I bought for the kids.....I found the the story of the toy eater. I read it to them.....they are now convinced that it is true....

"if its in a book and its gots a picture, it wereal, wright Mom?" Said Hannah.

" I told you....he must been on vacation or something...or maybe he thought you guys were doing so good that he didn't need to eat your toys...But he is back and he shows no mercy when he has to come back, he probably will start taking backpacks, shoes, coats, HOMEWORK...."
as I look at my 7 year old....who has this nasty habit of leaving out her homework and then amazingly our 2 year decides to eat it or something...
So for now OUR Gobble monster is in full effect....AND I Just thought you should know that a few things have been eaten.... but so far.... all is well!

Funny side note: Hannah informed me that parents too can have there stuff eaten by the gobble monster, and that I should go put my shoes in my closet, right away.......

Leave it up to Hannah....to "INFORM ME"

The Toy Eater
by Shel Silverstein

You don’t have to pick up your toys, okay?
You can leave ‘em right there on the floor,
So tonight when the Terrible Toy-Eatin’ Tookle ( which we remove tookle and add in gobble monster)
Comes tiptoein’ in through the crack in the door,
He’ll crunch all your soldiers,
he’ll munch on your trucks,
He’ll chew your poor puppets to shreds,
He’ll swallow your Big Wheel
and slurp up your paints
And bite off your dear dollies’ heads.
Then he’ll wipe off his lips with the sails of your ship,
And making a burpity noise,
He’ll slither away—but hey,
that’s okay,
You don’t have to pick up your toys.