Ingredients for Perfect Christmas Music

Ingredients for Perfect Christmas Music

Murder, alcoholism, prescription drug abuse, neglect of senior citizens and probably animal cruelty...sounds like inspiration to me!!

Grandma got run over by a reindeerwalkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa.
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog.
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd forgot her medication,and she staggered out the door into the snow. When we found her Christmas mornin,'at the scene of the attack.
She had hoof prints on her forehead,And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.
Chorus
Now were all so proud of Grandpa.
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.
It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:Should we open up her gifts or send them back?
Chorus
Now the goose is on the table.
And the pudding made of fig.
And a blue and silver candle,that would just have matched the hair in Grandma's wig.
I've warned all my friends and neighbors.
"Better watch out for yourselves."They should never give a license,to a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.
Chorus

I honestly don't know where to begin. The radio is tuned to the all Christmas song station (although I know Mark only listens to it because I am in the car - once I am gone, or that hideous Paul McCartney song comes on, he quickly turns the station). So as we drive home, the station comes back from break, and this is the song they play. I know this song gets played a lot, but I sat there thinking..."Why??" Is this a serious Christmas song? Mark pointed out that maybe it was written in jest...I say who cares, it is the stupidest song ever. Who writes a song about their old, medication-needing, drunk Grandma getting killed on Christmas Eve by a reindeer?? That is one home I do not want to be in on Christmas morning. Lovely how Grandpa deals with the death by watching football and drowning his sorrows in beer. I know that's what I would be doing if my Grandma was hooved (or would it be hoofed?) to death. I guess the moral of this song is that even if your loved ones bites the bullet on Christmas Eve, just hope that it is due to Santa or one of his reindeer...that way at least you'll know that Santa is real (hopefully he didn't lose any of your presents while he was busy killing your Grandma).

posted by whats up with the Smiths.