My someone else with out a filthy filter....

My kids teach me daily how to be a better parent and this weekend I saw my reflection in a child, and my reflection was not so pretty. Kids become a portrait of us, some of my kids have Mike's Blue eyes, one of them has my brown and one of them ended up with green. Two of my kids have my crooked toes and the others has nice straight toes. Sometimes their portrait reflects our best qualities and sometimes it shows our worst because we teach our kids the good along with the bad, they learn it by watching you or me in this case....

This weekend was a lazy weekend, not to much going on..... Mike was gone and the kids and I decided to get our Saturday chores done and just hang out at home. The girls went outside and ended up at a neighbors house. Brodie and Esther doing play dough up at the table. I sat down on the couch and about 15 Min's later I saw the girls headed home. I watched from the window and noticed Grace giving Hannah a "mothering lecture" and Hannah ignoring. I then watched Hannah sit down in the snow and yell something. While Grace headed towards the door now at a rushed pace. At this point I knew there was a problem. My head raced with the thoughts of what could have happened now....

When Grace walked in the door, very upset. She informed me that she did nothing and what Hannah did was real-bad. After Grace made it perfectly clear that she was surely a victim in Hannah's offence, Grace then informed me that Hannah had called my very nice neighbor (one that I am sure already thinks I am a horrible mother) FAT.......

I wish I could say that this surprises me. That a child of mine would never say such a thing.....But the truth is Hannah like her mother and surly like her father has lost her filthily filter or maybe was not born with one. She says what she sees and she says what she feels. No...... I am not saying that I walk around calling people fat, But I am a adult and have learned that words hurt. Hannah is obviously still learning that. (You should hear some of the things that she says at Walmart.....) Each time I have tried to teach her that, if you can't say something nice you shouldn't say anything at all. But Hannah comes from a long line of big mouths...so it may take her a while.

When Hannah finally thought the threat had finally passed she came inside. I was waiting on the couch and asked her what happened, she told me pretty much what happened. I then informed her that she was going to apologize.
(This is where the story hits me hard.....)
She instantly started to cry.....and said "NO I WON'T"

I said "Hannah yes you will and you will stay down in your room and have no dinner until you do ..."

"fine" she headed to her room

At this point I knew that I was losing the battle. This child would not care a bit that she was down in her room, nor would she care about dinner. I knew that I had to hit her where it would hurt....or where she would care. So I stopped her and said, "I changed my mind, go get paper and a pencil, you will apologize, not later, but now..." (as a mother a get the right to change my mind)

I then made her sit down and write a apology letter. She cried and gave a fight, but I won that battle.

I then told her to get her shoes on..... this is when Hesteria'broke out.....

"you will come with me? right?" Sobbing

"yes, But you will do the apology"

"fine"

I then realize that it is 3pm and I am still in my pj pants and a sweat shirt, hair not done. I change my pants, throw a pony in my hair and start to realize that I have a knot in my stomach. That I feel like I might throw up.....I walk outside and I start to feel sorry for Hannah.... start thinking about myself and about how forgiveness is my thing. My thing that I have the hardest time with. I start to think about how I hate to apologize and find it hard to forgive people once they have done me wrong. I think about turning around, I think about telling her to just put it in the mail box. I mean.... this lady already doesn't care for me(at least, I think) what is she gonna think of me now that my daughter insulted her and forcing her to appologize. I mean.....really is it gonna make a difference? she probably won't let Hannah play with her daughter ever again....So why would this apology make a difference.

to be continued....