On deaths door.....

Sick..... really sick. Not just the sniffles. BUT "THE CRUD"......

That is what we call it. I just looked it up in the dictionary.....AND I won't be calling it "the crud" anymore...... (you ask why I looked it up....cause I can't spell.....So Shut UP!)

The Crud
crud·ded, crud·ding.
–noun 1.Slang. Duh.....
a.a deposit or coating of refuse or of an impure or alien substance; muck. b.a filthy, repulsive, or contemptible person.
c.something that is worthless, objectionable, or contemptible.
d.prevarication, exaggeration, or flattery.
e.a nonspecific, imaginary, or vaguely defined disease or disorder of the body: jungle crud.
f.any unpleasant external ailment, disorder, or the like, as a skin rash.
g.venereal disease, esp. syphilis. WOW......
h.Vulgar. dried semen. OKKKK....is this the technical word for it?

JUST SO PEOPLE KNOW............. WE DON'T HAVE A VENEREAL DISEASE, VULGAR DRIED SEMEN......A SKIN RASH.....OR ANY IMPURE OR ALIEN SUBSTANCE.

We have a really bad cold. I think I might write to Webster (the dictionary man) and let him know there is a new meaning for the word "crud".

Also, I have been meaning to let him know that there is also a new meaning for the word "Junk".....
As follows is what good ole' web defines JUNK AS......
–noun
1.any old or discarded material, as metal, paper, or rags.
2.anything that is regarded as worthless, meaningless, or contemptible; trash.
3.old cable or cordage used when untwisted for making gaskets, swabs, oakum, etc.
4.Nautical Slang. salt junk.
5.Baseball Slang. relatively slow, unorthodox pitches that are deceptive to the batter in movement or pace, as knuckleballs or forkballs. –verb (used with object)
6.to cast aside as junk; discard as no longer of use; scrap. –adjective
7.cheap, worthless, unwanted, or trashy.
[Origin: 1480–90; earlier jonke, of uncert. orig.]

I always wondered why..... when my OB/GYN came in and said

"soooo me tell me where the contractions are localized at...."

and I yelled
"MY JUNK" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Dr. had such a confused look on her face......
"where?"

(I thought ....."you dump butt! MY JUNK! DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!")

Mike then had to give her the "LOW DOWN" on Junk.....

"low-down" adjective
mean; contemptible
Example: a low-down thief

Which is really funny now, (not so funny then, considering the baby was crowning, and no one cared to see that....)

But Mike, explaining the word "JUNK" without using any of the technical words, that for some reason he has a adversion to using. Any of the P words especially.....

(NOTE: if you ever want to tease Mike.....say a p word..... I dare ya.)

So... in our house hold we use the slang word "junk" as our Private area......
My girls refer to it as their "little butt, and their big butt".....

OK so I am not sure how I started writing about "The colds" we all have to our private area's......But wait I have one more....

The word "dude".....
Do you remember how annoyed people would get (especially adults when we "the x generation" would use the word "dude".......)

The word dude as Web likes to defines it as.....
noun, verb, dud·ed, dud·ing.
–noun
1.a man excessively concerned with his clothes, grooming, and manners. 2.Slang. fellow; chap.
3.a person reared in a large city.
4.Western U.S. an urban Easterner who vacations on a ranch. —Verb phrase
5.dude up, Informal. to dress in one's fanciest, best, or most stylish clothes; dress up: He got all duded up to go to the dance.
[Origin: 1880–85, Americanism; orig. uncert.]

I had a teacher that once told me NOT to use that word because the definition of the word "dude" really meant a cows BUTT HOLE (really she actually said that, I think that is why I remember it so well)......

Funny, cause I guess good ole' Mrs. Baker never really read the dictionary on her spare time like we all thought she had.......
And she must of really never known that the word "dude" means
"a man excessively concerned about his clothes." AKA MIKE

What is really funny......is that Christian (Billie's son) came in the house a few days ago.....

I always say "whats up "DUDE"? when he walks in the door from school!He then informed me that the word "dude" was a infected hair on an elephants butt!

"Huh?"

and he said that his teacher told him that......THOSE TEACHERS!

BUT being the smart ass that I am.....I tangled in my head for a while...... and thought about printing out Websters version of "DUDE" and telling Christian to take it to school and tell his teacher that she should actually read the dictionary before she trys to scare Innocent little boys like that!

But really........ that is the last thing that Christian needed to do.....to get his teacher to like him alittle more....... and innocent...... Hum.....let me think about that one for a while....:)

Anyways.....we are all really sick but on the meand........
OHHHHHH....Now I remember why I was writing this again.....

On Saturday I was taking Gracie and Esther into urgent care and Gracie was having stomach cramps.......

She started to do the momma-contraction breathing thing........
"shhhshhhshhhhshhhhhshhshhhshhhh"

And then screamed......."I feel like I am having a baby!! get me some where NOW!!!!!Quick!!!!!"

I couldn't help it......the fact that my 6 year old thinks that she knows what having a baby might feel like kills me......I was laughing, HARD< BUT Trying to hide it......BUT Not doing so well!

She gave me the evil Momma eye and said.....................
"REALLY it's NOT funny!"

Which only made the laughing worse!

It was like seeing myself......
Now I know why Mike was always laughing WHEN IT ISN'T FUNNY!