I am a firm believer that pregnant women should get Handicapped parking permits.
Why you have to ask??? ARE YOU MAN????
I see you....with your Grandmas parking permit....I see you....miss I lost one finger...I am entitled to a parking permit.....
I want one....AND I think I am damn well MORE handicapped with my bowl full of jelly and 4 kids running aimlessly through the Walmart parking lot.... then you Mister, "I have a hurt back."
Have you tried to take 4 kids, pregnant into the store 3 days before Christmas??? I am tired before I even get to Walmart. Let me explain.......
My day...starts the night before.....Husband says...I need my Rx....I think.... NO WAIT.... I start to "ANXIOUSLY FREAK OUT" at thought of my up coming day. I toss and turn all night wondering which child I might lose in Walmart....and if that one lady is gonna be there? Again for the 18 time.....and do I think this time she might call CPS????
I wake up...after my 2 two hours of restless sleep, and I start by telling my kids first thing.....
"we are going to the Walsmarts today.....
YOU.....
(Looking directly at the BOY)
will hold on to the cart....If you let go... YOU (BOY) will go inside of the cart and sit on your bum.....I am bringing the duct tape!!!
I don't care if there are 4 of you inside of that tiny cart...You will be smashed and it will suck.....
BUT YOU will listen...
Not touch....
and you stay beside me at all times....
DOES EVERYONE UNDERSTAND?????
Everyone smiles and says "yes" BUT.... the boy adds a "I love you so much mommy" WHICH BY MY DEFINITION MEANS... TROUBLE. So I get 4 kids up, fed and Dressed. With Esther being the last one the I get totally dressed, hair done, shoes on...just waiting on the winter gear. I sneak off to get myself dressed....at this point I am not caring to much what I look like, I just want to get this over with. By the time I come out dressed....hair thrown back in a pony tail....Esther has totally undressed herself. To the point of no diaper, and ponies out....only socks left on (which she was working on getting off when I caught her).....
OK ....So I re dress THE GIRL and proceed to winterize me and 4 kids....gloves, coats, hats, and "the Bscarfs"... BUT only because the 6 year insists...which then turns the crowd into a mutiny and now everyone must have a "bscarf" on.....(Which BTW later will be drug on the ground...soaking wet....only to have all four children ask mommy to carry them....)
anywho...
I then shove all of the kids outside to load each child....make sure they are buckled.....there the GIRL #4, throws a monster tantrum because she no longer wants to sit in her car sit.....she is screaming BO BO SEAT....
Here is my conversation with a 21 month old.....
ME: Do you want to walk????
ME: Do you want to walk????
THE GIRL: NO....BO BO.....
ME: No BO BO SEAT....YOU SEAT OR YOU WALK......
THE GIRL: tay
Why I start to talk in baby language....who knows...but it works
Everyone buckled I finally get into the driver seat...to back out the driveway....ONLY then to hear.... half way down the street....
"Brodie is unbuckled"......From #2 "Our informer"
I immediately do a BREAK CHECK to see "THE BOY" fly to the front of the car. HIM NOW Crying...I explain to him why seat belts are so important.... stopped in the middle of the street I re-buckle him and am now on my way....The ride is peaceful....Until we hit the WALSMARTS.....
It is now snowing....Not normal snow...More Like freakin' blizzard type snow....that kind you have no idea where its blowing in from. Its just blowing from the the 4 corners of the world. You can't see your hands in front of your face or 4 children about to run over by the stupid hill-Billie Walsmart shopper....
NOW STOP....at this point my job is not over....I still must go inside where the real hell will began.....
But what could make this so much better????
OH YES.....The fact that I wouldn't have to waddle my large load....drag 4 kids through a blizzard, prevent them from slipping, falling, purposely rolling in the slush or being run over from some redneck driving a huge truck with gun racks and fake bullet hole stickers.....AND all from the BACK of the parking lot....
But if I could park right up front...UN-load everyone and only waddle a 1/4 of the distance....Dragging would not seem so unreasonable.....and
Really....Makes alot of sence right???
Why did know one think of this before.....
I need a law maker here......One that will fight for the rights of the abnormally large for 10 months.......
Plus.........
I will gladly pay a SMALL fee....for the printing of that little blue pass that would hang in my car window so proudly....
OHHH......The joys that would come of a Handicapped parking pass!
Someone Get working on that....
5 comments:
that is so funny!! you know the walmarts in pocatello used to have parking spots for expecting mothers but people who werent prego always parked there so they took them away damn people!! well i love that you can make me laugh to the point of peeing my pants thank you for that!!
Oh man! I am totally with you on this one Heather! The other day I was at the mall and I was almost pulled up to the "expecting mothers" parking spot, when I see this jackass pull up in his tiny car and run out! GRRRR! Needless to say, I was more than pissed. I had my girls with me too, which made me doubly upset because I had to get them out in the snow too!
The other day I experienced a miracle. Trying to find a place to park at the mall, I found an expectant mother's parking space. And it was right across from the door! And that day I only had one child to drag/carry into the mall.
They actually have parking spaces like that in some states. I believe Utah has a few stores with them. I thought it was the most clever thing I've ever seen. If anyone deserves them, I'd say it is a pregnant lady. At target the other night we went as a family and had to park near the back (when the parking lot was empty) they had all the front parking spaces for handicapt. I don't mind of few, but they are just asking for people to break their leg, all for good parking.
mary
While I completely agree, I would like to head back up to the beginning of the post where Mike asks you to pick up his RX. I would say, "not only no, but HELL no! You pick it up yourself." Then all your worries are gone. POOF!
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